Teaching Compassion on Capitol Hill

Hoping to help heal bipartisan rancor, the Faith and Politics Institute invited Frank Rogers, Andrew Dreitcer, and Mark Yaconelli, co-directors of the Center for Engaged Compassion at Claremont Theological Institute to speak to congressional leaders, staff members, and others about a more constructive approach to working with the natural anger, rage, despair, and resentment that emerge in American politics.  Here’s what they wrote of their trip to Capitol Hill.

Although “love your enemy” is a primary teaching within spiritual traditions, we receive little instruction on how to work with the negative emotions that our adversaries arouse in us. When fear, anger, and other reactive emotions are triggered, we often respond in one of three ways: we lash out, repress our feelings, or judge ourselves for having such feelings in the first place. In the political arena we demonize one another, returning insult for insult, while the issue at hand is lost. Consider, for instance, the name-calling and fear-mongering that overshadowed the core concerns within the health care debate.

The democratic process is vulnerable to emotional conflict by its insistence that all persons and perspectives be heard. Inevitably, people with differing passions and commitments can feel threatened and enraged by one another. Indulging in these feelings poisons us physically and spiritually, damages relationships, and destroys productive dialogue.

According to the presenters spiritual traditions offer three invitations for working with difficult emotions:

1) They offer means of defusing the grip such emotions can have on us. Contemplative practices, such as mindfulness, nurture an awareness of such emotions within us. Spiritual Traditions give us practices for de-blending, stepping outside of our emotions so we can have an emotion, instead of an emotion having us.

2) Spiritual traditions suggest that extreme emotions are rooted in authentic human yearnings, wounds, and undeveloped potentials. This is counterintuitive. Conventional wisdom says that reactive emotions should be controlled or eliminated. Rather than managing or repressing our emotional reactions, contemplative practices nurture a compassionate connection with their hidden roots.

3) The invitation of spiritual traditions is to cultivate an interior centeredness. Meister Eckhart once wrote, “God is at home. We are the ones who go off wandering.” Politics can drive us far from home, until we feel estranged from the passions and values that inspired us to enter the political process in the first place. Spiritual traditions offer a way back. When we come home to our souls, we are free to claim our personal power while remaining open to the genuine needs of others.

All spiritual traditions acknowledge that this takes practice. On Capitol Hill Rogers, Dreicter and Yaconelli led an exercise they developed called the Compassion Practice. This practice cultivates a deeper awareness of our emotional experience while fostering greater compassion in our interactions with ourselves and others.

What might it mean for us to turn to spiritual traditions and contemplative practices to help ground our political discourse? It could mean more listening and less shouting, more creative problem solving and less defensiveness; it could allow a greater realization of the work that is at the heart of all human life: serving the common good.

A Little Slice of History

When iPad users plugged in last Saturday and began to surf Apple’s new iBookstore one of the books on their virtual shelf was Standing in the Fire. I’m told that it looks great on the iBooks e-reader: smooth page turning and crisp screen delivery with adjustable font, brightness indication, built-in dictionary, bookmarking, and hyperlinks from the table of contents.

One day in the not too distant future I’ll be talking with the children in my life about having written one of the first books to become an Apple iBook and they’ll ask, “Was there ever any other kind of book?” And in that moment I will feel very old.

A Birthday Reflection

It’s my birthday today (please, no gifts… really…).  Since I was a young boy I’ve been aware that on the very day I celebrated my 7th year in this world, Martin Luther King left us at the hands of a racist assassin.  One of my favorite quotes from this great champion of justice is:

“The ultimate measure of a person is not where they stand in moments of comfort and convenience, but where they stand in times of challenge and controversy.”

Perhaps it’s not a coincidence that I work in a profession in which hardly a week goes by that I don’t find myself standing at the intersection of challenge and controversy — or what I call the fire.  We all have our own versions of fire. We experience the confusion of an ethical dilemma, pressure to defer to authority, and the intensity of conflict. The complexity, high-stakes, and emotion make it easy to lose our footing and our voices.

In these moments the ultimate measure of each of us is indeed how we stand and what we choose to stand for. Our clarity and commitment to a guiding intention serves as a sort of personal gyroscope that provides balance and direction when we most need it.  How do we gain clarity about our guiding intention?   Before I go into a meeting as a leader or facilitator I take time to reflect on these questions:

• What am I here to contribute in the world?
• What are the enduring principles that must guide my choices and actions?
• Who and/or what am I here to serve?
• What is and is not my role?

The answers to these questions don’t come easy. In fact, it’s an ongoing inquiry. Each encounter with challenge and controversy deepens our questions, informs our answers and improves our capacity to stand with courage and clarity when we most need to.

Deep Conversation and Happiness

So much for the cultural protocol of keeping conversations superficial and light.  It turns out that people who spend less time engaged in small talk and more time in deep discussions are happier!

In a study published in the Journal of Psychology Science researchers from the University of Arizona state that substantive conversation is strongly correlated with happiness for two reasons: 1) Because human beings are driven to find and create meaning in their lives, and 2) because we are social animals who want and need to connect with other people.

So tomorrow when you wake up try doing two things:

1) Decide that you will do your best to avoid colluding in the superficial banter that seems to have become part and parcel of daily interaction.  Don’t ask “how’s it going” unless you care.

2) Ask yourself: Who will I be speaking with today and what are the conversations with these people that matter most?

Try this practice for the next ten days and see if the happiness research bears out in your life. To read more about this study check out the New York Time article.

A Picture’s Worth 51,246 Words

Just a quick post to share master graphic recorder Kriss Wittmann’s visual depiction of the ideas in Standing in the Fire. With an uncanny ability to listen deeply and translate what she hears into compelling, interconnected images, Kriss is known to her friends as the “human highlighter.”  This graphic map was created last year during a workshop I presented at the International Association of Facilitators. I’ll be presenting again at their 2010 conference in Chicago.

Aligning Passion with Aspiration

A sincere intention, great idea or an eloquently worded vision are rarely enough to bring an individual’s or organization’s dreams to fruition.  When the going gets tough, we need more than aspiration to provide us with the stamina and courage required to overcome obstacles.

In her recent Harvard Business Review blog, Rosabeth Moss Kanter illustrates the importance of aligning one’s passions with one’s aspirations. In other words, making sure that what we say we want is truly aligned with what’s important in our lives.  She offers the following questions aimed at helping you determine whether your passion matches your aspirations.

1. Do I feel strongly about the need for this?

2. Does the idea fit my long-held beliefs, values, and convictions?

3. Have I dreamed about something like this for a long time?

4. Do I think that this is vital for the future of people I care about?

5. Do I get excited when I think about it, and convey excitement when I talk about it?

6. Am I convinced that this can be accomplished?

7. Am I willing to put my credibility on the line to promise action on it?

9. Can I make this the major focus of my activities?

10. Am I willing to devote personal time, above and beyond organizational time, to see that this happens?

11. Do I feel strongly enough to ignore negativity and fight for this?

12. Am I committed to seeing this through, over the long haul?

Integrate these questions into your next personal or team goal-setting process and see where the conversation leads.

My Top Five Personal Demons

It doesn’t necessarily take a dramatic moment or intense conflict to throw a leader off his or her game. There are hundreds of “personal demons” that can derail us in the midst of conflict. Here are five of my personal “favorites” — the demons I find myself encountering on a regular basis:

1. Certainty — We make being right or having the best ideas more important than arriving at the best resolution. When this demon takes over we become argumentative and closed to what others have to say. Required mind-shift is from an ardent “I have answers” to a sincere “I have questions.”

2. Inflexibility — When we are caught off guard by unanticipated information or dynamics we try to control people, outcomes, and process rather than work within the new reality that has emerged. When this demon is present we can become anxious, resentful or blind to new possibilities. Required mind-shift is from “Surprises are disruptive and unwelcome” to “Surprises are gifts to work with creatively.”

3. Ego — We identify too strongly with some idealized image of ourself, deciding that preserving this image is more important than learning something new. The presence of the ego demon is often expressed through defensiveness and shame. Required mind-shift is from “I should be…” to “I am still becoming…”

4. Prediction — We become preoccupied with what might happen in the future rather than attending to the current dynamics of the conflict. The worry demon often causes us to unnecessarily act on our negative predictions as if they have already occurred. Required mind-shift is from “What bad thing might happen next?” to “I can only influence what is happening right now.”

5. Reciprocity — We justify less-than respectful, less-than compassionate behavior in ourselves when those around us are acting with little respect or compassion. When this demon shows up there is a high likelihood that the conflict will escalate. Required mind-shift is from “I will act as I am acted upon” to “I will act based on my purpose and values.”

Do you have some demons in common with me or some of your own you want to talk about? What’s your top five? Chime in below.

Conversation as Conspiracy

Sitting in a local Boulder coffee house I recently overheard two friends talking about singing as an act of conspiracy. They were referring to the Latin root con-spirare which literally means to breathe together.

At its best conversation feels as natural, fluid, and energizing as conspiracy — breathing together. Breathing out we advocate for our ideas, hopes, and concerns. Breathing in we listen to others’ points of view and possibilities.

Like breathing, authentic give-and-take conversation is something we knew how to do as children. But there is something in our socialization process — the modern-day addictions to certainty, speed, competitiveness, and results — that undermines our ability to come together in ways that foster innovation, connection, and healing.

How do we re-learn to breathe together when we are in conversation? What are the few conditions required to help us remember what is already instinctive for  us as humans? I would offer two.  The first is shared intention — clarity about why we come together and who we want to be with one another. The second is deep listening — the discipline of paying attending without judgment to the heart, rhythm, and  of tone of what is being said, including the silence between the talk.

Learning to breathe together again isn’t just a metaphor. As governmental bodies, civil society networks, and communities gather to tackle some of the most challenging issues of our times, it is an imperative that we somehow reclaim what was lost as we moved toward adulthood — our ability to sit with others who are different from us and discover the music. That’s the kind of conspiracy I’d like to be part of!

Take Your Seat…

A few weeks ago I was facilitating a gathering of 50 leaders from around the country.  The morning coffee and bagel reception ended with an announcement from the meeting host, “Would you please take your seats so that we can begin.” As I watched people moved toward their places at round tables I sensed that something was not quite right.

Past gatherings of this group had consisted of speakers, panels and workshops and had provided few opportunities for attendees to talk with each other about what was on their minds. This year the organizers had decided to design the meeting around dialogue and  interactive learning.  But as I looked out onto the group something inside of me said, “These people are still in the mode of being consumers of programs rather than co-creators of new insights and actions.”

I felt that something needed to be gently reset. I briefly introduced myself and reaffirmed that this would be a different kind of meeting than past gatherings — one in which they would take an active role in shaping the conversations and influencing the outcomes.  In light of this I asked them to reflect on three questions that my colleague Alan Briskin offered to me at a retreat several months prior.

Who brought you here?

Who are you here for?

Why are you here?

I asked the attendees to rise and stand at their seats for a few moments, inviting them to reflect silently on these questions. I said, “As your intention for this meeting becomes clear, go ahead and take your seat while keeping this intention in mind.” Standing in silent reflection isn’t exactly a familiar business practice to most people so I was a little worried how this would be received but I trusted my instincts in the moment.

It turned out that participants were both receptive and appreciative for the 5 minute reset. I asked people to share their intention to those sitting at their tables.  As I wandered the room I overheard a great deal of conviction and clarity. I heard comments like, “I’m going to raise concerns I’ve wanted to raise for over a year now” and “My intention is to make sure we come out of this meeting with a few clearly defined actions.” I listened and began to feel reassured that the group was taking ownership of the meeting.

A well planned meeting agenda matters. Having the right people in the room and a skillful facilitator are also important success factors. But how we take our seats — our guiding intention — means everything.  Too often we take our seats without a lot of thought, falling into any number of comfortable default patterns like passivity, entitlement, and competitiveness. The Latin root of the word intention, intendere means to stretch. Sometimes the most important role a meeting leader can play is to stretch ourselves and others toward a more deliberate way of showing up for the important conversations.

Do You PechaKucha?

There’s really only one thing more fun than saying the word pechakucha — it’s watching a pechakucha event unfold.  PechaKucha (Japanese for chit chat) is a format for presenting projects and ideas in which you show 20 images, each for 20 seconds.

The presentation format was developed in 2003 by two architects in Tokyo because… architects talk too much.  Well actually, humans (and that includes architects) talk too much.

This innovation has given birth to PechaKucha Night events taking place in 282 cities throughout the world. People are getting up in front of audiences for the first time and talking about what they love. I attended an event several months ago and saw wonderful presentations on food photography, a relationship break-up, and an innovative solution to global warming.

Just think about a Pechakucha policy or way of life taking hold in your organization! Nobody presents unless they can do it in 6 minutes and 40 seconds with no more than 20 slides!  If we can solve the unbridled misuse of Powerpoint in organizations I’m thinking we may actually be able to find a cure for cancer and achieve world peace. Pechakucha makes me feel… hopeful.

Got 6 minutes and 40 seconds? Check out this presentation by PechaKucha creators Astrik Klein and Mark Dythem.  It’s a PechaKucha about PechaKucha.  Enjoy.